Sunday, February 7, 2010

Thank You and A Credo

First off, I'd like to thank all my friends and family for their kind words and support. I really am so touched, I even had a couple of out of town friend offer to brave traffic to Vegas on the upcoming 3 day holiday weekend just to come give me hugs and support. Thank you so much, I can't tell you how much I appreciate your warm thoughts.

That brings me to the next part of this post. I've been a bit hormonal lately. Which is to say, anytime someone (John) says something 'wrong' (every time he opens his mouth) I've been having a tendency to react somewhat strongly (like flying into a rage or breaking into tears). Although it's temping to say "I'm entitled to be a bit off this week" the fact of the matter is there is no excuse for not communicating in a more productive manner. So when I received the Gordon Institute's monthly newsletter and saw that it was the Credo For My Relationships with Others I thought it was so aptly timed, I would repeat it here. One note, when John and I took the Parent Effectiveness Training class, our instructor had been studying, teaching, and living the Gordon methods for 20 years. She is a real "Gordon purist" and had us alter the instructional materials a bit because "they redid the teaching materials to make them more up to date, but they changed things in such a way that Thomas Gordon would have never said!" So here is Gordon's Credo for My Relationships with Others, with her minor modifications. This credo is intended for everyone - partners, parents, children, friends, co-workers - if there is a relationship involved, this applies.

You and I are in a relationship which I value and want to keep. We are also two separate persons with our own individual values and needs.

So that we will better know and understand what each of us values and needs, let us always be open in our communication.

When you are experiencing a problem in your life, I will listen with genuine acceptance and understanding in order to help you find your own solutions rather than imposing mine. And I want you to be a listener for me when I need to find solutions to my problems.

At those times when your behavior interferes with what I must do to get my own needs met, I will tell you openly how your behavior affects me, trusting that you respect my needs and feelings enough to change the behavior that is unacceptable to me. Also, whenever some behavior of mine is unacceptable to you, you will tell me openly so I can change my behavior.

And when we experience conflicts in our relationship, let us agree to resolve each conflict without either of us resorting to the use of power to win at the expense of the other's losing. I respect your needs, but I also must respect my own. So let us always strive to search for a solution that will be acceptable to both of us. Your needs will be met, and so will mine—neither will lose.

In this way, you can continue to develop as a person through satisfying your needs, and so can I. Thus, ours can be a healthy relationship in which both of us can strive to become what we are capable of being. And we can continue to relate to each other with mutual respect, love and peace.

Dr. Thomas Gordon
©1978 Gordon Training International

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