Halloween wrap-up

Here's a closing to an eventful Halloween season. For a 'date afternoon' with SchmoopyBoy, we went for a hayride. I like to call this picture "SchmoopyBoy and a couple of asses" because I'm a dork like that, although his head is conveniently hiding one of the asses.

Of course the hayride would not be complete without a goofy overexposed self portrait, in which SchmoopyBoy makes one of his characteristic poses for the camera. 

Later that week we carved a pumpkin. A cute happy pumpkin, not a scary one.

On Halloween night both kids got dressed up. Lil' Cowboy Schmoo kept me company while I handed out treats at home. Batman chose to see a movie over Trick or Treating, so the husband took him to see Hotel Transylvania. But, because we are super cool parents, he still came home to a bucket of treats.

Why do you keep walking to the door?
Don't you know my reading my stories is serious biznis?

The caped crusader. Shh, don't tell anyone his true identity.

Weekend Wrap Up

It was a full weekend here at chez Schoopy. I had a 3 day weekend for Columbus Day, which was nice. On Saturday I took the schmoos to a local fall festival. SchmoopyBoy was hoping to get his face painted like Batman, but was pretty happy with the spider theme.

Bounce houses, a farmers market where we bought and snacked on the best, most sweet and delicious strawberries I've had all season, and a playground with a huge play train made for a great day. Of course I forgot the good camera at home, and Lil' Schmoo wouldn't stay still long enough for me to get a half decent picture on my crappy cell phone camera, so no pics of him with pumpkins or trains. boo.

On Sunday, I had a special date with SchmoopyBoy. Just the two of us. We went to see the Batman Live show. In case I haven't mentioned previously, SchmoopyBoy is somewhat Batman obsessed these days. He has discovered the magical world of super heros and villains. Batman is his favorite. I thought the show was great! SchmoopyBoy thought it was a little too long and complained that the villains were "boring." (WTF?!?!?!?) At two hours including an intermission, it probably was a bit long for a 4 year old. And perhaps watching the villains stand around and plot against Batman wasn't the most exciting part of the show. But... Acrobats! The Batmobile! Batman and Robin! Cool stuff!!

I was chatting with him at bedtime, and I realized that the main thing that was so special for him was that I spent the day with him. I don't need to spend a lot of money on tickets to shows to make him happy. The fact that he got to spend time alone with me and get my full attention made him feel special. The fact that he got to dress up like his favorite superhero, and see him in action was just icing on the cake.

My superdude strikes a pose

Even superheros need some time to just chill on the couch

I was able to squeeze in some one-on-one time with Lil' Schmoo on Monday too. I'm going to try to make sure both kids get some decent one-on-one time with me this year. That was my Rosh Hashanah new year's resolution.

On Monday SchmoopyBoy got sick.  It's just a cold, but still no fun. Hopefully no one else will catch it this time around.

Hope everyone had a good weekend!

Introducing the Scorpion Longtongue

SchmoopyBoy first told me about the Scorpion Longtongue a few days ago. He had made a sculpture of it at preschool. Since I was unfamiliar with such a beast, I asked him about it. Here are a few details:

• The scorpion longtongue is a big bug that eats scorpions.
• It has no teeth.
• It gets the scorpions with its long, sticky tongue.
• Its tongue is as big as an elephant.
• It makes a sound effect when it eats a scorpion that I cannot reproduce on this blog.

I finally got to see a model Scorpion Longtongue today when I picked SchmoopyBoy up from preschool. Exhibit:

You might be wondering, how does he know about scorpions? Well, we've found two of the little suckers in our yard over the past month or so. (Eeek!!! Those things freak me out more than the black widow spiders that like to take up residence in these parts!) Pest control has been called. Unfortunately, their arsenal does not include any natural predators such as the dread Scorpion Longtongue.

Wordless Wednesday - Brothers Playing

Just ignore the mess in the background, please?

Entertaining ourselves...

...with self portraits. SchmopyBoy has been really into taking pictures lately. Here are some self portraits I've taken of myself with him and Lil' Schmoo over the last week.

It's planting season

So far we've planted carrots and chard. We've still got several more planters, and I think we'll be putting in some spinach, broccoli, and cauliflower. Hopefully our crop will turn out a little better than last year's. Probably the soil we had was not quite right - everything sprouted, but then it just stopped growing after a while.

Fighting the Preschool Gender Police

Good Heavens, the gender policing starts early! What kills me is the extent to which it is done by the kids themselves - and I'm talking about preschoolers here. SchmoopyBoy was once told by one of the little girls in his class that he could play with her and another girl later but now they were doing "girl stuff". Another time a little boy told my husband, as he applied sunscreen to SchmoopyBoy's face, that he shouldn't use that sunscreen, that it was for girls, because there was a picture of a sun on the container that looked feminine to him. The last straw came one day when I was picking up SchmoopyBoy from school, and he wanted a story before we left. I started to read an I Spy book from the class collection. One of the little girls joined us. On one page the book read "I spy ballet slippers" and as we scanned the page for the ballet slippers the little girl said "That is for girls."

I could not let that go. I had to correct her. "Actually, boys dance ballet too. They wear different shoes than girls, but ballet is for both girls and boys."

The next time I came to pick SchmoopyBoy up, I made a point of bringing in a picture of myself and a male dancer from back in my younger ballet dancing days. I searched out the girl and showed her that there was both a girl and a boy ballet dancer, but they were wearing different ballet slippers. Needless to say, once it got out that I had a picture of ballet dancers, everybody in the class wanted to see it - both the girls and the boys. So all the kids in the class got a lesson that day.

The teacher was thrilled. I had spoken with her before about my concerns about how gender was or was not presented and enforced in the class. I do believe we are on the same page, but the children bring the ideas to class that they have learned at home. When she hears something like what I described above, she addresses it, but she can't always hear everything. She mentioned she would love to have pictures of girls and boys doing things associated primarily with one or the other gender, similar to the photo I brought in, so I volunteered to provide her with some. I sent her:

pictures of male and female ballet dancers,

pictures of a princess and a prince,

pictures of male and female doctors,

pictures of male and female astronauts,

pictures of male and female teachers, and

pictures of male and female police officers.

She sent me a note of appreciation:
I appreciate your taking time to find the pictures for me. As teachers, we have many ideas we would like to do but don't have the time. We can use the pictures in many different ways. Thank you for also finding not just male/female pictures but also pictures that had people of different ethnicities and ages.

Yes, the different ethnicities, that too was no accident. All children, be they male or female, regardless of their heritage, should be able to see representations of themselves. I think it is important for children to be told "You can be anything you want when you grown up" and also see examples of people who look like them who have accomplished their goals - to perhaps see a future version of themselves in these representations.

I would like to think that I have helped plant a seed of thought in that little girl, and possibly other kids in the class. They responded so positively to the one ballet picture I brought in. I don't know how the teacher is using the other pictures I sent her. Hopefully the children will respond positively when they see those pictures as well.

How Not to avoid talking water policy with a preschooler

As you know, SchmoopyBoy is fascinated with poop. Recently, his interest has taken a scientific turn. He now knows that food goes into our stomachs when we swallow, and comes out as poop. Even more recently, he asked what happens to the poop after it goes into the toilet.

Keeping in mind he is four years old, I tried to keep the explanation at his level. I should also note that he is at the stage of “Why?” Virtually every statement that comes out of my mouth is followed by SchmoopyBoy asking Why? So, with that in mind, here is approximately how the explanation went.

Me: The poop and the water go down the drain when you flush. Then it goes to pipes underground, to the water treatment plant.

SchmoopyBoy: Why does it go down the drain?

Me: To get to the pipes.

SchmoopyBoy: Why are the pipes underground?

Me: Because if they were above ground it would be really stinky.

SchmoopyBoy: Where is the water treatment plant?

Me: On the other side of town.

SchmoopyBoy: Why?

Me: Because that is where the clean water gets put back into the wash, and back to the lake.

SchmoopyBoy: Why is it clean water?

Me: The water gets cleaned at the water treatment plant.

SchmoopyBoy: Why?

Me: The water is dirty. It has poop and pee in it. It needs to be cleaned. Then the clean water goes back to the lake.

SchmoopyBoy: Why?

You can see how these conversations go. So the other day we were at Target and SchmoopyBoy needs to use the bathroom. I took him into the bathroom and he wants more information on how poop and pee are processed at the Target bathroom. He asks if his pee and the water in the toilet are going into pipes. I confirm that indeed they are. He asks if the pipes are underground. I confirm that indeed they are. He again asks why, and I again explain that if poop and pee water went across town over ground it would stink and it would be dangerous because there is bacteria in poop and pee that could make people sick. He continues his line of questioning, but then really wants to know about the treatment plant and the clean water coming out of the treatment plant. He really wants to know why the clean water is returned to the lake.

At this point people in the restroom are beginning to snicker at us – this preschooler barraging his mother with questions about poop and water treatment plants and why is the treatment plant on the other side of town and why does the water go to the lake, and on and on and on… why? why? why?

All this time I’m thinking to myself, He’s four. Keep it age appropriate. Do not start talking about water policy. Do not utter the words “consumptive use” or “return flow credits”. But alas, at this point I’m getting flustered and I'm so accustomed to talking about water related issues with adults in a professional setting that I can't think of how to answer his questions in terms a preschooler can understand, so what comes out of my mouth? The words “consumptive use” of course. I’m mumbling something incoherent about how we divert water from the lake, use what we need, and then return the rest to the lake after it gets cleaned at the treatment plant. And of course he keeps asking why? because I’m so incoherent and I’m using words like “divert” and “consumptive use” and for crying out loud the child is only four so what the heck does all this mean, and finally a woman who was trying so hard not to laugh just said to him “Because otherwise we would run out of water” and at last the conversation was over (for the time being) and we could return to our shopping in peace.  Thank you, kind woman, for summing everything up so succinctly.

You Are My Sunshine

I was inspired by this sunshine sandwich, so I offered SchmoopyBoy a sun for dinner. He took me up on the offer but said he wanted toast, banana, and peas. So, I had to abandon, to some extent, my original intention and create an edible sun from the requested materials.

I used a large glass as my circle template to cut the toast and a slice of muenster cheese. The face is made of freehand cutouts (obviously) from a slice of American cheese. (I think the face looks like a Halloween jack-o-lantern, which makes me hang my head.) For the sun rays I sliced the banana length-wise and in about 1-inch sections. Then I cut the corners off one side of each section to make them a little more pointy and surrounded the toast. I couldn't think of anything to do with the peas so I just split them in half and arranged them in a circle for a decorative border. So sad.

Simple. I can do simple. A professional I most certainly am not, but it turned out cute enough to make my kid happy and get him fed, so Yay for trying!

My family. I love them, but they're an odd bunch.

I just got back a couple of days ago from visiting my mother and sister in California. One night, as I was bathing Lil' Schmoo in preparation for bedtime, I overheard the following exchange.

SchmoopyBoy: Auntie, I want you to brush my teeth.

Auntie: (something about showing her what a big boy he is and brushing his own teeth…blah blah...)

SchmoopyBoy: You have really big boobies.

Auntie: Yes, I do. Thank you for noticing.

Husband: (turning red, muttering) I think I'll leave the room now.

Auntie: (to SchmoopyBoy) When you get older if I'm still single you can tell your friends that.

…


So the other night after dinner I bring it up and start to explain how that sort of interaction isn't polite. The husband tried to help make the point, and then things just got weird.

Me: You can get away with that now because you are four, but as you get older it will be considered 'bad form' to make  comments about the size of a woman's boobies.

Husband: Really, you shouldn't make comments about any part of a woman's body. You can't just walk up to someone and say 'You have a nose like a casaba melon!' or you'll be in a world of hurt.
…

Seriously, where do I find these people?

Breakfast Robot

Robot toast with apricot head and strawberry eyes and buttons.

Trip to California

These pictures are from a family trip we took back at Memorial Day weekend to celebrate SchmoopyBoy's birthday and my sister's birthday. Better late than never?

Why is Daddy hiding behind the baby?

Fun and silliness with Auntie

loving the swing (but where did he get those goofy sunglasses?)

Teething much? (Grandma's toys are nommy)

Fun Facts

Lil' Schmoo (age 8 months)
… celebrated Memorial Day weekend by cutting his first tooth,
… is officially crawling,
… thinks paper is much more interesting than pretty much any toy that is put in front of him.

SchmoopyBoy (age 4 years)
… comes up with the most random sayings (I think people who say they want to take mind-altering chemicals to improve their creativity need to hang out with more 4-year olds. I do need to quote him more often.),
… makes me laugh and makes his brother laugh,
… likes to play with dinosaurs and trains, frequently together.

Both children
… fight bedtime like the dickens (absolutely maddening),
… like pears, which is funny to me only because I have never liked them myself,
… are affectionate and cuddly. I overflow with abundance of hugs and kisses for them.

And now he is four

Homemade dinosaur cake, by request, with volcano. We also had a dino-safari. Paper dinosaur footprints were taped to the ground, and the young nature trackers followed the prints to a 'nest' filled with dinosaur eggs to collect (Easter eggs containing a tiny baby dinosaur), and then followed more prints to collect 'fully grown' (6-8 inch) dinosaurs. It got quite hot by the end of the party (you can see the buttercream frosting starting to melt) but thankfully we had plenty of water and shaded areas at the park.

Happy birthday to my SchmoopyBoy!

Scene at the Park

Picnic in the shade

Self portrait with Lil' Schmoo

Checking in - Swamped

I'm still alive, just swamped. Work is super busy. Home life is super busy. No time to sit. No time to read. No time to write. So, here are just a few random snipits of what's been going on around here.

I took SchmoopyBoy to ride on Thomas the train last weekend. He had fun. I took pictures. Unfortunately I accidentally changed the setting on the camera without realizing it and none of the pictures turned out. boo.

Lil' Schmoo is trying really hard to pull himself to standing. I am going to be in for it early with this one, I fear.

SchmoopyBoy started gymnastics 2 weeks ago. Loves it! He is more excited about gymnastics than he ever was about soccer or t-ball. Of course, he is a little monkey, so it's no surprise that he loves any activity that involves flipping, rolling, hanging, jumping and the like.

Lil' Schmoo is tolerating his carseat much better these days. Still won't fall asleep in it, but he'll last multiple trips in a day without complaint. So much better than the days of complete meltdown after about 2 minutes in the carseat.

That's all I have time for now. Hopefully I can start writing more again soon.

Speaking to the Need

Welcome to the March Mindful Mama Carnival: Mindful Mama Challenge

This post was written for inclusion in the Mindful Mama Carnival hosted by Becoming Crunchy and TouchstoneZ. This month our participants have challenges they've set for themselves toward becoming more mindful. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

***

On a scale of 1 to 10 for mindfulness, I would probably rate myself at around 2-3. I tend to be more on the reactive end of the scale. So, writing about how I am trying to challenge myself to be more mindful in my parenting is a particularly apt topic for me. I’ve got a long way to go to become the parent I want to be and that my children deserve. Nonetheless I actually have had a few successful moments. One way I’ve been able to bring more mindfulness to my parenting is by speaking to the need.

I adhere to the philosophy that children behave in ways that they think will enable them to meet an underlying need. Three-year old SchmoopyBoy has been struggling a bit with increased independence and the need to control what he gets to do - with his time and otherwise. Frustration can sometimes ensue. I have recently had remarkable success in diffusing meltdowns by acknowledging when he is trying to get his needs met, articulating that I also have a need that I am trying to meet, and then talking about what to do next.

Here is one example. We allow for screen time in our house, but my husband and I enforce limits on the time spent in front of a screen. Sometimes SchmoopyBoy wants to exceed the limit that we have established. One day in particular he wanted to watch more TV than we usually allow. The alternative to TV that he suggested was to play a video game on the computer. He became very upset that he was not permitted to engage in either activity. In trying to find an alternative, he requested that we bake muffins. I should mention here that I commonly bake with SchmoopyBoy during the weekend. He and I both enjoy the time together as well as the homemade goodies. I should also mention that this episode took place in the middle of the week. I was home from work in the evening and was trying to get dinner started. Evenings tend to be very hectic and busy between dinner and bedtime while the husband works evenings.

The thought that first entered my head when SchmoopyBoy requested that we bake was “Not a chance. There is no way we are going to have time to bake muffins at this time of evening when I’ve got to prepare dinner and I’m going to have to start bath time and bedtime routines for two kids.”

But then I thought for a moment and asked myself - Is that really true? The baby took a late nap that day, so there could be more flexibility with bedtime. Preparing the batter could take as little as 15 minutes. With a bake time about a half hour and about 10 minutes for cooling, we could easily have muffins prepared and ready to eat in an hour. And really, the bottom line was that I just didn’t want to bake muffins because I was feeling tired and because baking during the week at evening time falls outside our regular routine and I wasn’t comfortable with that. After acknowledging my true reasons for not wanting to bake muffins, and further acknowledging that SchmoopyBoy was so upset because he was feeling out of control and was frustrated that he wasn’t being allowed to do any of the activities he wanted, I concluded that “I just don’t want to” was not a good enough reason to tell SchmoopyBoy “No” to baking muffins.

So, I told him that I understood that he has needs that he want to meet, and that I understood that he has a need to control what he does with his time and what activities he partakes in. I further told him that I also have needs that I am trying to meet. At that moment, I felt the need to take care of my family by preparing a healthy dinner. I told him I wanted to figure out how we could both need our needs, and suggested that after I prepare dinner and we are finished eating, then we could make muffins. He enthusiastically agreed, and in fact helped me prepare dinner. All whining, complaining, or any other expressions of frustration completely disappeared. After dinner he was in such a good mood, he didn’t even want to make muffins anymore and was happy to simply play with me.

I am not always able to satisfy his desire. Sometimes I have to acknowledge that he wants to meet his need, and then explain that I am saying no because I also have a need. For example, another time he wanted more screen time and insisted there was nothing else he wanted to do. I acknowledged that he wanted to meet his need for control over his activities, and then explained that I said No to his current desire based on my need to take care of him and help him grow up healthy and strong. I told him that I limit his screen time because I believe too much screen time is bad for his brain. When asked “Why?” I tried to keep the conversation at a 3-year old level and told him that when he older and is trying to learn in school, he might have a hard time concentrating. Satisfied with this answer, we had some food and SchmoopyBoy started singing a song.

I think that SchmoopyBoy appreciates that I am making an effort to really hear him, and that I am explicitly saying to him, I get it, I understand that you have a need that want to meet. The very act of being heard in this way appears to soothe him. I still miss the boat with him more often than I’d like, but with more successes, I’m hoping speaking to the underlying need will become more second nature.

***

Visit The Mindful Mama Homepage to find out how you can participate in the next Mindful Mama Carnival!

On Carnival day, please follow along on Twitter using the handy #MindMaCar hashtag. You can also subscribe to the Mindful Mama Twitter List and Mindful Mama Participant Feed.
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• The Importance of a Moment Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama reflects on the need to slow down and breathe in life instead of rushing from one moment to the next.



• Mindful Playing With My Daughters Rani at Om She Said looked at her girls and realized that more than anything they wanted her right there next to them, playing, laughing, creating, and having fun; that's exactly what she did!



• Watch Your Words Patti at Canadian Unschooler challenges herself to make her words a reflection of her intentions.



• The Mindful Benefits of Knitting Dionna at Code Name: Mama shares how knitting has helped lift her out of depression and has given her a new form of meditation.



• Self Compassion: How Thinking About Bad Experiences Can Make You Happier and More Compassionate CJ at Imperfect Happiness challenges herself to be more compassionate...with herself.



• Calming the Home Environment by Selecting Traditional Toys Sam at Love Parenting discusses the benefits of natural toys.



• Quieting my Infernal Inner Ramblings Tree at Mom Grooves writes about her commitment to get out of her head and into the moment with her daughter and husband.



• Changing Our Everyday The Aniweda Dream is sizing up the changes they’ve made by moving across the country and looking at how to make their lives more mindful as a family.
  



• A Mindful Cup of Tea Amy at The Daily Muttering tells how she's trying to regain control of her life with the chaos of 3 kids thanks to the introduction of a simple daily ritual.



• Mindful Mama Moontime Lucy at Dreaming Aloud shares how becoming conscious of her moon time has helped her find balance in herself as a woman, and a mama.



• Speaking to the Need Shana at Tales of Minor Interest shares how she tries to stay mindful of her preschooler’s needs.



• Going Within Amy at Anktangle describes a centering practice she's been being more intentional about lately, and which she has come to realize is a precious gift in her life.



• Waking Up With Meditation Amy at PresenceParents shares how awakening with presence carries her through the day.



• Mindful Meditations Zoie at TouchstoneZ explores six weeks of seated meditation and discovers some things she doesn't expect.



• Mindfulness in the Kitchen - an Everyday Challenge Kelly at Becoming Crunchy shares how she’s been challenging herself to involve more mindfulness in everyday tasks - especially in the area of cooking for her family.

Why I need to carry a tape recorder at all times

It's because the things that come out of 3 year old SchmoopyBoy's mouth are priceless.

Example 1.
We were listing colors. I have no recollection why we were listing colors, but nonetheless we were.

SchmoopyBoy: Clear.
Me: (mostly to myself) Is clear really a color?
SchmoopyBoy: Clear is a shiny color that lives in the circus!

Well, there you have it.

Example 2.
I am sitting on the floor with SchmoopyBoy and Lil' Schmoo.

Me: Are you my SchmoopyBoy?
SchmoopyBoy: I am a Schmoopy Boy. He is a Slobber Boy. And you are a Mom-er Boy.

I am one of the club, apparently. How flattering. And yes, as a matter of fact, Lil' Schmoo is indeed a slobber boy these days.

Example 3:
A bit of background information - We have been talking a bit about meat and vegetarianism because he has become interested in the show Dinosaur Train, which talks about carnivores and herbivores. He knows that our family doesn't eat meat, but doesn't fully understand it all yet.

Also, one of the imaginative games SchmoopyBoy likes to play is to pretend that he is Abby Cadaby and I am Mommy Cookie Monster and he is "poofing" me a cookie of my choice. After poofing me an imaginary chocolate chip cookie, peanut butter cookie, and oatmeal raisin cookie, he makes an announcement about the next cookie.

SchmoopyBoy: This one has people meat!
Me: (surprised, disturbed, beside myself, almost afriad to ask) What is people meat?
SchmoopyBoy: People meat is a special kind of food that is in this cookie!

Okay, then. I guess I'll just dig in to that cookie now. Mmm, people meat.

Portraits! Portraits! Portraits! Squee!

I took the kiddos for their first professional portrait session! (Thank you, Groupon!) Here are some of my favorites.

This one I got a couple of 10 x 13 prints for the grandparents.


The package came with one collage. I rather like this, and had a hard time deciding whether to get the large prints of the one above or the one on the bottom right.

I die of cute for the following. I have a big bruise on my forehead for all the times my head went THUD as I passed out from cute attack. :)

THUD - Ow, there I go again.

More of my beautiful boy

 

His Mother's Child

SchmoopyBoy was recently moved up into a new classroom at his preschool. He is now in the room with the older children – 3 1/2 to 4, with a few as old as 5 if they’ve had a birthday during the school year. It is a slightly more structured preschool environment as compared to the room with the 2-3 year olds. He was promoted along with his best friend, a vivacious, outgoing, gorgeous little girl who I’ll call Leah (not her real name), which is helping to ease the transition.

Last Tuesday the school had a special Friendship Day event. All the parents were invited to join the classes for snack time. It was the first time since his promotion that I’ve been there. It was the first time I’ve had the opportunity to see him in action, per se, in the new environment. He is slowly adjusting. Very slowly. Big kids intimidate him a little. Groups of big kids that all know each other intimidate him a lot. The only child he wants to play with is Leah.

There are a lot more girls in this class than their previous class. Lots of little girls at the same level as Leah. She is, of course attracted to them and is starting to branch out and increase her circle of friends. SchmoopyBoy wants to play with her only. He wants her to play with him only. When she plays with another girl he feels rejected and lonely.

I don’t know how to help him branch out and become friends with other children in the class. Whenever I suggest it he tells me he only wants to play with Leah. I asked the teacher what I can do to help and encourage him, and she told me he just needs to find his way. I mentioned that he has told me that the bigger kids scare him. She pointed out that there are other children his age and size, but they have a “different energy” than SchmoopyBoy. They are extroverts, they are doers. SchmoopyBoy holds back. He observes. He wants to check out the scene and feel comfortable before he ventures out. He prefers one on one interactions with a few special friends to large groups.

What's important to note here is that everything I have written above describing SchmoopyBoy might as well have been written about myself at his age.

As I was observing the scene, something was triggered inside me. I don’t know if I was transported back to my own preschool days and was reliving my own social anxieties through my child, but I was overcome with emotion. I cried the entire drive home and then some.

I don’t want him to be like me. I don’t want him to have my social anxieties, my insecurities. I don't want him to know the loneliness of self-imposed isolation.

Of course I initially fell into the mother-blame trap. Perhaps if I did something different he would be more comfortable and confident in new social environments. But then, I am his mother for crying out loud, genetics have got to account for something, is it really so surprising that he is so like I was at the age of three?

I was talking to a very old and dear friend on the phone over the weekend and telling her about how I was feeling. She said to me, Yes, if he is like you he may not have so very many friends. But look at the friends you do have. Once you make a friend, it is a friend for life. Your friends love you, would do anything for you. Would it really be so bad if he is like you after all?

Go figure, just as I am feeling so low about myself and what I have imposed on my offspring by nature or nurture, my oldest and dearest friend tells me just what I need to hear.