3 kinds of awesome

1. Cherries - From the tree in my back yard. Juicy, sweet, amazing.

2. Putting on an old skirt for the first time in a long, long time - a long, flowy type of skirt - and hearing my SchmoopyBoy tell me how beautiful it is, and I am.

3. Visiting with an old grade school friend that I haven't seen in about 15 years, and watching our children play together.

Checking In

Where have I been for the past week?

1. Recovering from my 2nd case of mastitis (I could spend an entire post whining about all the troubles I'm having with breastfeeding this time around)

2. Having family in town visiting

Above mentioned family is still in town so I probably won't be able to post again this week.

Hope everyone is having a fabulous holiday season!

Celebrating my friend with a Virtual Toast

This week I got the news that one of my old friends from my undergraduate days just finished her master’s program. This is a woman who has been working a full-time job (in a less than satisfying field) and mothering two children while slowly persuing her degree in a field that she loves and has always excelled. She has persevered through numerous challenges to meet this goal including pregnancy and raising a new baby, various health challenges, and the threat of layoff while providing the sole income for her family. This is a huge accomplishment and I am so proud of and excited for her!

Unfortunately we now live on opposite ends of the country so I cannot celebrate with her in person.

D, I hereby raise a glass in a virtual toast to your dedication, hard work, and inspiring can-do attitude. You are awesome!

Summer Solstice today

For those of us in the northern hemisphere today is the summer solstice.

Check out this link with lots of cool photos of summer solstice celebrations around the world. My uncle and aunt are at Machu Pichu as I am writing this. Hope they are having a great time!

This is the desert in April

Ah, spring. The grass is finally starting to sprout and turn green. The storm clouds are forming and hail is starting to fall...

Um, wait a minute. Did you just say hail? Hail? As in ice, falling from the sky.




Yes. That would be hail. On my newly green patch of grass. In the desert southwest. In April. (Don't ask why we have a patch of grass in our yard when we live in the desert. It blows my mind too.)

Of course, it is expected to be back in the 90s before the weekend.

Wow. Some kind of weather we're having, isn't it?

I can't believe I just wrote a whole post about the weather.

But, dude, seriously, hail in April in Las Vegas. How often does that happen?

Happy Blogiversary to me!

Today marks one year since I started blogging!

Wow, how this blog has changed over the year, and will likely continue to evolve. It's been a fun learning experience. Sharing my life with you has been at times fun, at times healing, at times rewarding. Here's to another year of improving my writing skills (no small feat for a math/science nerd), enjoying SchmoopyBoy as he grows and develops, and tracking the activity (or lack thereof) of my reproductive system. ;)

Update

Well, I’m feeling better this week. My oldest and dearest friend came out to visit for my birthday last weekend. It was great to see her and get some girl time. Plus no one has said anything to my face to trigger my fury this week so far, so I haven’t felt the need to go off on any foul-mouthed rages in real life or online :)

We’re taking a road trip to California this weekend for the holiday. Ever since I told SchmoopyBoy about our upcoming trip, he’s been requesting to go to the beach. Fortunately, a beach day has been in the plan all along. The last several trips we’ve made out there the weather has been horrible, so hopefully we’ll finally get lucky with some mild weather so we can go to the beach and have some fun. My sister-in-law is taking her kids Laguna Beach this weekend too, so we’ll meet up with them while we’re there.

I was hoping to post another recipe this week, but the one I thought would be good ended up not turning out quite as interesting as I had hoped. So you’ll have to wait until I tweak the flavoring and get it right for that one. In the meantime eat well, sleep well, and have a great Labor Day weekend!

We're Home!

That is to say, we are officially moved in to our new home! The place still looks like chaos and I am exhausted after a busy weekend, but it's going to be nice. Still adjusting to living in a 2-story home. Boy, am I out of shape! Boy am I getting my stairmaster workout!

Pictures will be forthcoming when you can see something other than boxes and clutter in every room.

Was Shakespeare a Jewish Woman?

Here's something for all you academics and book worms out there. I found this article on the Tikkun Daily Blog today, which in turn referred me to this article that makes the case that the plays credited to William Shakespeare were actually written in full or in part by a Jewish woman named Amelia Bassano Lanier. They make an intriguing case. Go read it!

Wow, that was ugly

I'm finally feeling better after the longest, nastiest cold I've had in years. Pretty much wiped me out for almost a week. I've had a couple ideas for posts floating around in my head. Maybe now I'll have the energy to actually go ahead and write them.

Hope you all had a good Memorial Day weekend!

Everything is going to be ok

John's kidney stone is passed.

All three of us are over our colds.

We are moved into the apartment, and it is going to work out just fine.

I'm getting an oil change for my car on Saturday morning.

We are looking at houses on Sunday afternoon.

SchmoopyBaby is turning 2 in about a week and a half! We invited some friends to my in-laws house for some birthday play time. Should be fun.

The second half of 2010 is going to be good.

Quick Update

Well, things make a little more sense now. SchmoopyBaby woke up sick on Sunday. He had been rubbing his nose and eyes for the previous day or two, and was SUPER cranky on Saturday. I thought it was just allergies from all the wind and the fact that he hadn't been sleeping well at night - waking up for the day at the insane hour of 5am. But no, we now have officially sick toddler. I'm starting to feel sick myself, which is not so great considering we are moving on Saturday.

Tomorrow we sign the closing documents on our house. It feels very weird and not quite real that we are actually moving. I've been talking to SchmoopyBaby about it and trying to prepare him. I'm not sure how much he understands though. This is the only home he's ever known. This is where he is most comfortable - where he eats best and sleeps best.

I'm most sad for Mojo. He is losing his yard. A dog like him needs a yard to run around in. We'll have to find time to take him to the dog park. John and I will have to take turns watching Schmoopybaby while the other takes Mojo to the dog park. A large dog park is no place for a young toddler. Mojo and SchmoopyBaby have so much fun tearing around the yard, squealing and barking in glee. I am sad that they will have to miss out on that, at least for a while.

Oh well. It's all temporary.

Positive Thought for the Day

This is the "Daily Kabbalah Tune Up" for the day, that I received in my email this morning. Thought it was a nice message so thought I would share.

Living with a positive intention sets the tone of your day. Today, allow yourself to walk around with one that brings a smile to your face.

Of Depression and Appreciation

Yesterday I felt it creeping up on me. The desire to sit and stare at my computer, immobile and nonfunctioning… for hours. The spontaneous episodes of tears coming out of my eyes. Depression. I don’t want to indulge it. But I lack energy or motivation to fight it either. This is not the first episode in my life, and no doubt it will not be the last. I know it is situational. I know it will pass. I know there are perfectly good reasons for it this time around.

Nonetheless, I really don’t have time to succumb to it right now. I don’t have the time to be unmotivated. I have to move in a few weeks. I still don’t know exactly where I’m moving , but I do know that I am moving. Preparations need to be made. Boxes assembled. Six years of accumulated crap packed away. My child needs security, consistency, comfort. His world is about to be turned upside down. His parents are stressed out. He knows this but doesn’t know why, and it is affecting him – his body and his behavior all show that our stress is affecting him.

This is not ok.

I need to snap out of it.

So, number one – I started out with a list of things I appreciate. All the good, the blessings, the joys. Things I have that I can feel grateful for, to remind myself how full my life is and how fortunate I am. This worked. Between writing out all the things I appreciate, plus a bit of a good talk and cry last night with John, I am feeling much more functional today. So here’s my “happy” list:

1. John – He loves me and wants to make me happy. He didn’t want to sell the house. He was perfectly happy to stay here forever, but he knows I wanted to move so he agreed because he wanted to make me happy, despite the stressful mess I feel like I’ve plunged us into.

2. Schmoopybaby –He is such a delight. He is talking now, it seems like every day he tries out at least one new word. Every time he says “Bye bye Mama” and blows me a kiss as I leave for work I have a smile on my face for a long time. He is so cute and affectionate, my heart could just explode.

3. My job – I really like my job. The work is really interesting and rewarding, and I work with a great group of guys (the only other woman is on detail in another department until her retirement in 2 months). I love the security and stability of my job, and the flexibility and family-friendly culture.

4. Health – At this time, I have no health complaints to speak of. My vitamin D deficiency is taken care of by supplementing with a daily vitamin. I am currently off all pharmaceuticals and have been since I gave birth (I was almost going to say since before I was pregnant, but I forgot about that little stint with PIH necessitating blood pressure medication throughout my pregnancy. whoops, how could I have almost forgotten that!?)

5. Family – My family is a little bit smaller than it was less than a month ago, but what we lack in quantity, we more than make up for in quality. I don’t always see eye to eye with my mother and sister (ok, almost never) but they are mine and I love them. They love me and have always been there for me and would do anything they could to help me if I needed it.

6. Financial Stability – As I mentioned above, my job is very stable and secure. We have a good quality of life, always enough to cover our bills plus eating out or getting takeout about twice a week. We are thrifty and are able to save, so we can afford to splurge on a ‘big’ purchase every now and then (typically electronics equipment, which John is a junkie for). We are moving by our own choice, we are not being forced out of our home like so many other less fortunate people in my city.

7. Opportunity – It is easy to fall into the trap of feeling like I am going from a stable, secure environment of owning a house to an unstable, insecure environment. House prices may go up, interest rates could go up - we may not be able to afford the house we want in 6 months. But this is also an opportunity. Now that we will not be encumbered by a mortgage, we could go anywhere! We could look for jobs in California and go back there, near my family and most of my close friends. We could go to the mountains of Colorado, to the east coast, to Canada, anywhere. Rather than getting overwhelmed with stress, why not choose to be overwhelmed with excitement?

That last point is particularly challenging for me, given my natural temperament. I crave stability, security, consistency, predictability. I live a boring 9-5 style life and that’s the way I like it. I don’t do drama. I don’t take big risks. I don’t like roller coasters or horror movies. I may live in the gambling capital of the country but I don’t gamble. I may very well be the most boring person on the planet and you know what? I’m ok with that.

But there I go digressing again. My point was to share something that helped get me out of a depressive funk. The next time one of you, my dear readers, get in a funk, perhaps you can remember this exercise. Hopefully it will help you too. Make a list of all the things you appreciate in life – choose to focus on the positive, what you have rather than what you have not. It actually works sometimes.

One more thing I may not have mentioned

We're selling our house! As of April 30 we will officially be homeless. We're looking at houses this Saturday. Cross your fingers we find something!!

Call to Action: Support the Ride to Conquer Cancer

Cancer has been a struggle in my family for at least three generations. My great-grandmother died of leukemia, my grandmother had a lump in her chest at the time she died in her 90s, and my father has been fighting non-Hodgkin's lymphoma for 6 years now. Given my family history, it is fairly clear to me that I have a genetic predisposition to cancer and will very likely have to deal with some form of cancer in my lifetime. Honestly, I don't know many people who haven't been touched by cancer some way, by either a friend or family member. One of my old friends from my San Francisco yuppy days now lives in Toronto, and is participating in a huge fundraising event called the Ride to Conquer Cancer. I copied and pasted his email below in hopes of helping him reach his fundraising goal. I have donated to this cause, and would love it if some of my readers would also support him!

...
I am writing, because I'll be participating in a 2-day major cycling event called The Ride to Conquer Cancer benefiting The Princess Margaret, one of the top 5 cancer research hospitals in the world.

I'll be cycling over 200 kilometers that weekend, from Toronto to Niagara Falls, with thousands of other Riders. All the proceeds will go to The Princess Margaret to support cancer research, treatment, and services. The Princess Margaret is Canada's leading comprehensive institution devoted to cancer research and care, and the work they're doing is leading-edge.

I've agreed to raise at least $2,500, but I've set my personal goal to $3,000. So here's where you come in, because I need your help to put me over the top. Could you please consider making a donation? Use the link at the bottom of this email to go visit my webpage, and please take the time to support me. Please keep in mind the commitment I'm making to end this heartbreaking disease and the personal efforts I'll have to make to accomplish this.

This ride certainly has a personal note. Having felt the effects of cancer from my mother’s survival of breast cancer this past year, my friend Hector’s ordeals and ultimately losing my closest friend Rick to pancreatic cancer, I want to do what I can to help. Information also shows that over 45% of men and 40% of women will develop cancer in their lifetime. That's why I'm riding. To do something BIG about cancer. I hope that you'll share this incredible adventure with me by supporting me in my fundraising efforts.

Thank you in advance for your generosity!

Click here to donate!

Normal Days

I don't remember exactly how I came across this blog. Nonetheless, I discovered the following quote that moved me so I thought I would share it:

Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day, I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return.

What does your normal day look like? Does it start with being woken up too early by a little crying Schmoo requesting the comfort of your presence? Do you rush off to a job that provides mental and social stimulation you need to be a happy, well rounded person? Do you drag yourself to a job that doesn't make you happy but pays all your bills in these uncertain economic times? Do you spend the day reading the same torn up story book again and again and again, between vain attempts at keeping crayon off your furniture and food from being hurled onto your floor?

Do you ever get stuck when you talk to family or friends? Perhaps they ask you how everything is or what's new and good, and you think to yourself - Nothing really is new, Nothing really is exciting, Life is just one normal day after another. And that is ok. That is actually quite nice and comforting.

Perhaps I will also write a little note and stick it on bathroom mirror, reminding me to be aware of those treasured, normal moments before they depart.

Satan versus Pat Robertson

Anybody need a smile to keep from going crazy today?

(Raises hand and waves wildly)

Check out either of the links here or here to see what Satan had to say about Pat Roberton's asinine comments about Haiti.

Then click here to read about Satan suing Pat Robertson for breach of contract.

Blog Identity Crisis

I should start out by saying that I am a blog junkie. I love reading blogs, I love discovering new blogs, I love finding out what's going on in the lives of people I know and seeing pictures of their little kiddos on their personal blogs. I love discovering new recipes on food blogs. I love finding out about different learning and discipline philosophies on parenting blogs, and getting cloth diapering tips on environmental blogs. You get the picture.

When I started this blog I wasn't 100% sure what I'd be writing about. I was thinking it would be a combination of personal blog to keep my out of town family and friends updated with SchmoopyBaby's latest accomplishments, and a food blog with recipes and pics of what we are eating at chez Schmoopy. The reason for this was simply because those were the types of blogs I was reading at the time I created it.

But for the last month or so I've been going to some blogs that really make me think. People are writing about really meaningful, informative, and important topics. This led me to question what I am doing with this blog. Sometimes I feel like I write about such trivial fluff, which, of course, I do sometimes just because it's fun.

But then I think: Who is actually reading this blog? What does my audience actually want to read about? Who do I want to read this blog? Who is this blog really for? Is it for my immediate family? Is it for other moms - maybe vegetarian, maybe not, maybe WOHM, maybe not? Is it really for me, so I can feel connected to some invisible others when I feel alone in the world, and have someplace to vent other than my husband?

I tend to think that my regular readers are more interested in SchmoopyBaby updates than my opinions on gender-neutral parenting or the role of spirituality in politics. But these are important topics - topics that deserve to be thought about and written about and read about by anyone and everyone. Thus the blog identity crisis.

I'm thinking that I want to expand my range a bit. One of my goals for this year is to start writing about topics that make me think critically and intelligently. My brain needs the exercise, and since virtually all of my other hobbies have gone to the wayside, I need something other than work and the actual day-to-day care of SchmoopyBaby to keep me sane. I recently discovered a Blog Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Lauren of Hobo Mama and Dionna of Code Name: Mama that I might try to participate in. (Although I have a bit of damage with the label "Natural Parenting." What is the opposite, unnatural parenting? And what exactly is unnatural parenting, me nursing a litter of lion cubs? But I digress - that is a topic for another post.)

Don't worry Mom, I'll still post SchmoopyBaby updates and pictures, and I'll still attempt to entertain and amuse with trivial fluff, because I know you are stressed and tired and just want an easy smile. Also, because sometimes it's just fun to be able to laugh at myself and life's silly trivialities from time to time.
:)

RIP Fabulous Boots

I am in mourning. The most fabulous item in my wardrobe is no longer. My boots, my Fabulous Boots, are in taters, thanks to my dog, Mojo. Summer is hard for poor Mojo. He doesn’t like loud booming noises, and summer here in the desert southwest is full of them. If it’s not July 4th fireworks, then it’s summer monsoon thunderstorms. Every summer as soon as the sun starts to go down, Mojo grows distraught. He anticipates the loud thunder booms that herald the end of the world in his mind. So he finds the smallest, darkest corner to spend the evening and night hiding. This year, the chosen corner of safety was in my closet, behind my laundry hamper, on top of the shoes that I seldom wear. I didn’t think much of it, other than, “Gee, that can’t be very comfortable on top of my old shoes, but he seems happier there so ok”.

Recently I went into that corner, looking for some item that I thought had dropped behind my hamper instead of landing inside of it. It was then that I discovered the carnage. I wanted to bang my head against a wall. How many times have I seen and heard this dog walk around in circles, clawing at the ground or his pillowy bed before plopping down!? Why didn’t I think of what he was actually clawing in the corner of my closet!?

So there you have it, my Fabulous Boots, torn to shreds by Mojo’s claws, in the effort to make them into a comfy bed in his den.

“What’s the big deal?” you ask, “It’s only shoes.”

No. These are not just shoes. These are a symbol. A symbol of a former version of myself. A self that went out late looking Fabulous. A self that was infused with sexual power that inspired grown men to get on their hands and knees at my feet to worship and make love to The Boots. (OK, just one man, who admittedly had a major foot fetish to the point that he referred to himself as BootBoy, but still you get my point.)

I remember when I was pregnant and my feet were so swollen I couldn’t fit into any of my shoes. I wondered to myself if I would ever be able to wear The Boots again. I wondered furthermore if I would ever have occasion to wear them again. Would I ever again have the energy to go out somewhere deserving of The Boots? Would I ever again have a desire to go anywhere deserving of The Boots? How would being a mother change that part of me that was so significant in my 20s and to a slightly lesser extant in my early 30s?

Teresa Strasser wrote on her blog about remaining badass after motherhood:

When I think “mom,” I don’t want to think haggard, beleaguered “mom bloggers” telling Oprah about their crappy, sit-com sex lives and zany diaper mishaps, I want to think of women being exactly who they were before kids, only better…I know I would trade the frightful notion of Ann Taylor knits covered in crumbs for even the illusion of ass-kicking motherhood in the form of skin and ink.

I have not gotten rid of any of my badass, skin showing ensembles. All my leather and lace, velvet and vinyl remains intact if not covered in dust in the corners of my closet - except for The Boots, of course. They are reminders of the fabulous, sexy, powerful woman that I once was. The passing of The Fabulous Boots feels like a passing of an era. Now I know I will never wear them again and I mourn. I mourn for The Boots and I mourn a little bit for the badass woman that may still be lurking under this always-tired skin, still covered in jeans that have dried baby pee from this morning’s leaky diaper, because I lacked the time or energy to change into clean pants.

Sometimes I wonder if I should get rid of my stash. In 10 years, what will I tell SchmoopyBaby if he should stumble across a leather mini corset dress? How much of my mildly sordid past will I share with him? Should a boy know that his mother was ever anything other than the vanilla, stuck-in-the 80s, slightly embarrassing old lady that he thinks of her as? I haven’t decided yet. I’ll admit to being in procrastination mode as far as that is concerned. I have no desire to lie about anything in my past to him. If he ever asks, “Mom, did you ever (fill in blank) when you were young?” I will answer him honestly. A direct question deserves a direct answer, and he deserves to know about my experiences and what I learned about myself and the world through those experiences. And if my experiences can help him avoid any pitfalls and help him make good decisions based on sound judgment all the better.

RIP Fabulous Boots. We had a hell of a ride.